Untitled

collegehumor:

The Ultimate LeBron James Flopping Reel [Click for more]

Yeah but Jordan had a better call-in-sick-to-work voice.

story-dj:

lotv:

I hope this makes some of you in a better mood. Because I’m feeling quite over the day. But this helps a bit. 

And some more cute animal related high jinx.

ecocides:

Swallows huddle in a Spring Snowstorm | image by Keith Williams

XD

story-dj:

Torn and love in Lilith’s Tears, my debut novel - out now.

How I pick up chicks

uutpoetry:

Leftovers from the Random Poetry Generator

For my 30th birthday party, my wife set up a “Random Poetry Generator”: an apothecary cabinet where party guests were invited to write words on slips of paper and place them in the appropriate category: nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, animals, places, People Present, and body parts. The final category was an unfortunate but ironically surrealist innovation that got way out of hand. The game was fun, but after the guests left, there were still some unused words. So naturally I dumped them on the table to see what would happen. Note: I had to use a random word generator to supply some more verbs.

Sweaty hipsters gallantly nibble David’s big toe,
and a saucy hyena nervously elbows Annie’s tibia.

Ambiguous junk appeals to the frontal lobe
of Pengo Pengo.

Piglet lustily inflicts a tibia in Brookland
while the pedantic koala nasally crafts a vulva.

An unruly shrew runs gingerly,
and catfish are in the basement scoring anus.

A thirsty meerkat cleverly cleaves Shant’s IT band
while the unicorn of Madagascar friends Jeff

and the honey badger
happily mutilates the monkey’s feet.

A lazy penis poetically disgraces a stag.
In the sacristy, nuance and coffee homogenize.

Elbows in church are goats.
Brooks is snagging a beetle.

art by David Carmona

collegehumor:

If Real Life Were Like Comic Books

ME: Hey… listen, I’m really sorry I kept trying to hit on your friend last night when her boyfriend was out of the room. I was really drunk.

FRIEND: Oh, don’t worry about it. That never happened!

ME: Yeah, I wish…

FRIEND: No really, it never actually happened. That got retconned.

ME: What?

FRIEND: Oh yeah, that whole thing happened in a universe that doesn’t exist anymore. Retroactive continuity man. Retconning. You just got retconned.

lucevirtuale:

burnout

peoplemag:

“Is he still here?… Oh my God!”

-Jennifer Lawrence, freaking out when Jack Nicholson crashed her post-Oscars interview.

Get all your Oscars scoop at PEOPLE.com!